"You're an idiot," I snap. It wasn't what I was gonna say -- I don't even know what I was gonna say, but it's as close to the truth as I can manage right now.

"If it's not, then what is?" There's something like desperation in my voice, like I think he can actually answer that question. Never take relationship advice from Mike Pinocchio, he's fucked. But I need to know, and no one seems to be able to tell me.