No, I think fiercely, the word swelling up urgent and selfish behind my teeth, I need you here, with enough force that my throat tightens and for a moment, it's difficult to breathe. I'm off-balance, scrambling helplessly, and it's long enough that I can't immediately hide it... this disproportionate horror at the idea of not having both of them here with me.

My mouth opens and closes, flapping like a goddamn fish, but in the end I can't say a goddamn thing. It should be the mature, grownup thing to do... just let him go, but that doesn't explain why I feel like such a fuckin' coward.