He actually lets himself smile at that--hesitant and sad--and all he wants to do is pull Neil into his arms and just hold on. But there's a table between them. A table and a lot more besides.

But he edges a little closer.

"If you wanna have some kind of I-fucked-up-more-than-you thing..." He shakes his head. "I don't give a shit what you did. If you give a shit, that's something else, but... we're here now."

He curls his fingers, lifts Neil's hand in his and slowly, carefully, brings it to his mouth and kisses the smooth skin behind Neil's knuckles.