"Yeah. Not, like... it was something I wanted." He shoots Neil a slightly rueful smile, giving his hand another squeeze. What they have now, he's grateful for it every single day... but it's also true that he'd still trade up. If it was an option.

"But me and Hobbes - me and Tom. It's just that we were always so fucking different. I wondered if he sorta... made it all possible. Balanced us out. And I wondered if you and me could ever make it work. Back before we had to."