"I was afraid to say anything," he whispers, and it's almost a wince. He doesn't remember much of that night, but he remembers what led up to it far too clearly. Maybe there are reasons, but they don't feel like excuses.

Barely able to handle his own shit, he hadn't had the first idea what to do with Neil's.

"Lotta heaviness for just getting home," he adds with a very small smile, thin and pained.