Gentle impulsion
It's been a long time since he's done this. In some sense he's never done this.
He's had Eostre bound, blindfolded. He's been bound by her in his turn. And there had been the afternoon in her hut, with the belt, with Tom on his knees. And long before that there had been other times, times with a lot less warmth and a lot more disconnect. They hadn't been bad, not really, but they hadn't been close to this.
Or to what he imagines this could be.
It's close to half an hour since he'd left Tom in the compound. He's sitting on his bed, facing the door and waiting. Next to him is a coil of rope, his belt, his hunting knife. He's not sure what he'll use. Maybe he'll use none of it, this time. But he wants Tom to see them, as best he can in the flickering light of the two candles burning in saucers on the makeshift table beside the bed. If he doesn't use them, he wants Tom to be aware that he can. Anytime.
He realizes that it's a lot, that they haven't done much in this vein since the first baby steps that one afternoon weeks ago, that Tom might simply turn and leave if it's too much.
It's a risk he's willing to take, now. He curls his hands into loose fists and waits.
He's had Eostre bound, blindfolded. He's been bound by her in his turn. And there had been the afternoon in her hut, with the belt, with Tom on his knees. And long before that there had been other times, times with a lot less warmth and a lot more disconnect. They hadn't been bad, not really, but they hadn't been close to this.
Or to what he imagines this could be.
It's close to half an hour since he'd left Tom in the compound. He's sitting on his bed, facing the door and waiting. Next to him is a coil of rope, his belt, his hunting knife. He's not sure what he'll use. Maybe he'll use none of it, this time. But he wants Tom to see them, as best he can in the flickering light of the two candles burning in saucers on the makeshift table beside the bed. If he doesn't use them, he wants Tom to be aware that he can. Anytime.
He realizes that it's a lot, that they haven't done much in this vein since the first baby steps that one afternoon weeks ago, that Tom might simply turn and leave if it's too much.
It's a risk he's willing to take, now. He curls his hands into loose fists and waits.
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He could almost see the spill of the light from the candles from here. Slowly, he closed his eyes.
Eostre hadn't been angry. She'd taken her daughters and kissed Tom slowly, and looked like she might have been laughing. And then she'd sent him on his way.
Hobbes wasn't afraid. That was the point, the whole damn point. He wasn't afraid, but he couldn't see the limits....and until you could, you had no idea what you were capable of. He understood this without really understanding the words. The reasons couldn't be distilled down into sentences. Instinct wasn't always something you were born knowing. Sometimes it just came to you later on.
Which is why, when Hobbes got to the doorway, he didn't look up. He lingered, head down, and waited.
He wasn't late.
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The thing about doing this with soldiers is that the basic framework is actually already there.
So. We'll see.
"Strip," he says. It's a single word delivered flatly, barely a hint of any emotion in his voice. Then he amends it. "Slow. Let me watch."
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Hobbes flexed, rolled his shoulders, and looked up at Mike from beneath his eyebrows. And then he dropped his hand down onto his belt and started sliding it open, fly easing down. After toeing off his shoes and kicking away his pants he stood in the cool evening in his boxers and hesitated, heart beating in his ears and his chest and his dick.
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"I didn't say to stop," he says finally, and it's still flat and emotionless, and under the surface there's a little twinge of panic. Tom's thinking better of it. He doesn't want it after all. He'll have to be understanding, if it turns out that way, hide his disappointment no matter how keenly it's felt.
But the words come out of his mouth regardless. Almost as if they're coming from a part of him that doesn't care what Tom wants.
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He was hard when he stood there naked, awkward, not exactly sure what to do with his hands. He lifted his head and looked up at Mike for the first time and swallowed. And then...on impulse, with some kind of instinct he hadn't had before, he stepped forward half an inch and...dropped. Down onto his knees on the packed dirt, head bowed. Waiting.
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Hobbes is anticipating him. That's new.
And the thing is, even anticipation is disobedience.
"I didn't tell you to do that either," he says quietly. "Look at me." His hands are still in those loose fists, but every muscle is tense.
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He met Mike's stare without flinching.
"What do you want me to do?"
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He doesn't know how well Tom can see his face. But it's like he's trying to force the subtext out through his eyes. If you don't, let me off the hook now. If you do, reassure me. Just this once. Let me be the weak one for sixty seconds.
Slowly, slowly, his hands begin to uncurl.
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"I want this," He breathed out, looking up, feeling very exposed on the ground, naked. There was a draft coming in from the door. He closed his eyes.
"I think about this..."
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"I think about this too," he says. "Have been forever. Used to sit up on watch and look at you and think about it. When I'd let myself." He holds out a hand and points to a spot on the floor at his feet. "Come here." His eyes narrow just a little. "Crawl."
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"I love you," he murmurs. "Look." He inclines his head to the things laid out next to him. Weapons. Tools. He could have more, maybe, but this'll do to start with. He keeps his hand gentle. He keeps his voice low. He remembers reading, once, an actual honest-to-God manual about this.
Start lighter than light. Build slower than slow.
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"God," he murmured when he saw what was laid out, without really understanding, without a clue. Some of the tension crept back into his spine and he straighted, aware of each piece of grit digging into his palms and his shins.
"What's it for?"
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The important thing about this is that there are limits.
The other important thing is that this is a completely different kind of sex. It doesn't even have to be sex at all. It's a human body reduced to a toy, objectified in the purest sense of the word, and yet underneath it all infinitely precious, infinitely loved.
Wanna play?
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But he doesn't. He can feel the way Mike's looking at him and, knowing that, he's not afraid.
He swallowed. "I can."
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The truth is that he doesn't know either. Not yet. He's feeling this out, adjusting as he goes. It seems better than an actual plan.
"You have some control here," he says softly, close to whispering. "I can give you a word. If you can't take it, if it gets to be too much or if you're just not comfortable with something, you can say it and I'll stop. Immediately."
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"I trust you." He looked up at Mike, like a damn statue in the light, perfect down to every shadow. "But...yeah. I think...yes. I'd like that."
He found himself watching Mike's mouth. "What should I - what's the word? Stop?"
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He pauses. He's actually had this part planned out. What had brought it to his mind makes him roll his eyes a little, and what it means also makes him roll his eyes a little, because from some angles it looks like he's trying too hard to be clever. But a small corner of his mind appreciates poetics, and this pleases it.
"The word is 'Domini'," he says, and when he doesn't cringe at the sound of it he knows it's okay.
Domini. God. Lord.
Master.
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"Mike...."
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"Stand up," he says, leans over to the table and his hand finds the short length of rope without him needing to look for it. "Hold out your arms. Wrists together."
The orders just come. Once he gave them for a living. It's easy to fall back into that, use it again.
Turn it into something new.
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Still watching Mike, he held out his wrists and shifted his weight. He was hard to the point of pain, and Mike was warm and solid and it would be so easy to step in beside him and press against his thigh...
No. He didn't. He held out his wrist and he waited.
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Maybe in more than one way.
Still. First things first.
He's good with knots by now, and the tie is fast and efficient, wide across the wrists so as not to cut, tight enough to prevent him wriggling free but not so tight that he'll lose circulation. And if something goes wrong, he has the knife. He's sharpened it this morning.
"You're being very patient," he observes, releasing Tom's bound hands, and his right hand drops immediately between Tom's thighs, under his cock to cup his balls roughly. "That's good," he murmurs. "You'll need that."
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He bit his bottom lip hard.
"Jesus, Pinocchio. Like that..."
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He holds on long enough to make his point, his other hand curling around Tom's bound wrists and holding him close, and then, almost at the point where he thinks it might be getting close to too much, he releases him, slides his hand up and over the smooth, hot skin of his cock, stroking every bit as lightly as he'd been rough.
"Right now," he whispers, "what you want doesn't matter. Get it?"
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But then, he steeled himself and drew a breath and...it was done, Mike's hand was gentle as it traced up his dick. He nodded shakily.
He didn't even try to speak.
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