It is healing, it is never whole

The stars are still shining when he walks with Neil into the grass. He's barefoot, because there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of point in shoes, and while he won't say it - mostly because he's not sure how - the whole thing has the quality of ritual.

The one Neil found used the word purification. He's not sure how else he's supposed to think about this.

It's cold, but he doesn't really feel it, because it's not like he's not cold too. He stands in the grass and looks up at the sky. It's clear now, but later on there might be snow. He thinks that might be nice. Assuming he gets to see it.

He keeps having to make these choices. Everything is one test after the other. Once he would have been very angry about that. Now he's done with angry. There's not a whole lot of point in angry. There's a point in Neil beside him, and there's a point in the possibility of feeling his own heartbeat again.