forthedog | (no subject)

It's still cold, the wind still shouldering its way through bare trees, and the ground still hard. All the grass is still brown and dead, and muddy in patches from so many days of snow and freezing and thaw. It's been a long winter, longer than any others he remembers since the Realm. Long and cold and dark.

But right now he's in the yard at the side of the house, in the sun, and it's warm on his back.

It's late morning, the girls in school and Neil at work, and he knows he could go back to work as well, but he's taking the time. Everything is back to the way it was, except it's not. Everything is different. He's different.

Born again. He laughs silently and rocks back on his heels, bending over a small notebook in which he's jotting down things to buy. Rocks for borders. Seeds and bulbs. Maybe a sapling or two, some fruit trees. Fertilizer. Stakes and some lattices for frames. Tools. He wants flowering things, things that will attract butterflies and hummingbirds. He might even get a feeder. He's always sort of wanted one.

And dawnflowers. He definitely needs some of those.

He has a lot of work to do.

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"No, it does," she says and she's thinking of Rick again, of all the ways he and Mike are alike. The qualities they share. She remembers too clearly what it was like to watch Rick beat Thomas nearly to death. The things he and Tyrese had done to each other at first, before they'd made peace and come to recognize their similarities. She doesn't know anyone who's struggled as much to find that balance as Mike except for Rick.

"I mean, it's never been a problem for me, I'm happy to not have to shoot anyone or anything in the face anymore," she says honestly. "But Rick... whenever things were going well, he seemed to be at a loss. He couldn't stand not having something to fight and when it finally happened, he'd just let it go. It was like he couldn't control himself."

But he'd found that balance eventually. If he hadn't, she wouldn't have fallen in love with him.

"He ever figure it out?" He's curious, though he's not looking for any answers.That balance...It's been saved. Maintained. It's a fight he might have to have again, but for now he's won.

But someone else... It might be good to know.

Edited 2014-03-16 04:12 (UTC)

"Yeah, he had to. Eventually. For Carl. For me. For all of us, really, we looked to him to be our leader and it's kind of hard to follow a crazy man you don't trust," she says with a laugh. But there are still conflicting memories there, the things he'd done surrounding Glenn's death and a war he'd been trying to fight that she still doesn't completely understand. For the most part, she tries not to worry about it much, because she knows it's another life. She might have memories of it, but it's not the life she's had here and this is the one she considers her real life.

"But I don't think it was ever easy for him," she continues. "I think having Carl relying on him helped a lot."

"Kids help. The girls..." They're not all of what's kept him together. But he remembers when Eostre left, when he had wanted to lie down and die, holding the girls. Feeling his own heart continuing to beat.

"I'm still human 'cause of them. And Neil. Lisbeth." He steps closer to her, smiles. "You."

"I was about to get offended that I was left off the list," she says with a smile, ducking her head briefly. Mike isn't Rick, he'll never be to her what Rick was, and that's fine. That's better. She loves Rick in one way and she loves Mike in another, but she can't deny their similarities and she knows it's at least partly why she'd found herself drawn to Mike in the first place.

"It's good to have people," she says, looking up again. "People keep you grounded."

"People are all that do." In his experience. He can see himself coming unmoored so easily. Has come so close to that. Always, there's someone holding him down in the end.

"Got no idea what I did to deserve so many of 'em, but here we are."

"I don't know if it's ever been about deserving," she says with a shrug. "Not that I think you don't, but I'm just not sure that's quite how it works." There are people all over this city, she's sure, who deserve a real family and who might never have that. She's thinking of Ellie and Clementine, girls who've lost everything and while she tries to do what she can, she knows she'll never be able to take away the pain of Clementine losing her parents.