It's these little things, they can pull you under
It's when they're cutting through Petros Park, the sun setting slowly through the naked trees, that he finally says something.
They could take a cab back and they still might at some point, but for now they're content enough to walk, and with the days so short and him sleeping so late these days, he likes being out in every minute of sunlight he can get, even sunlight that's thin with winter. And maybe he'd hoped that walking would distract him, getting him to stop mulling over things he can't change.
But of course he could never leave well enough alone.
"So," he says, hands in his pockets and his gaze still locked forward. The lights along the path are starting to come on. "You're still back there, huh?"
They could take a cab back and they still might at some point, but for now they're content enough to walk, and with the days so short and him sleeping so late these days, he likes being out in every minute of sunlight he can get, even sunlight that's thin with winter. And maybe he'd hoped that walking would distract him, getting him to stop mulling over things he can't change.
But of course he could never leave well enough alone.
"So," he says, hands in his pockets and his gaze still locked forward. The lights along the path are starting to come on. "You're still back there, huh?"
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There's a small, petty part of me that wants to remind him that he hardly wants me to talk about them, hardly seems to want to claim them as his own.
"They wouldn't be alone, you know? They... they had a big family, you know? It wasn't just us."
But now Mathias is gone, maybe, and who the fuck knows who else.
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He shakes his head and looks away again. "Sometimes I think that place wasn't any fucking good for children. Not if this is what happens to them."
Safe, happy... illusory. Transient.
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He drops his hand away and focuses on Neil, on the way he looks close to cracking open. "You been carrying this around by yourself this whole time. Haven't you?"
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Scrubbing a hand across my mouth, I drag in a breath, finally forcing myself to look at him.
"I don't even know who they're with, now. I could ask Mathias, but... Shit, I dunno."
Maybe it's better, not knowing.
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"Just..." He moves forward suddenly, reaches up and curls a hand around the side of Neil's neck, leaning closer. "Don't do that. Don't keep that kinda shit to yourself. That's not how we work now."
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"I didn't really wanna think about it, honestly."
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"I know I'm still... weird about 'em. I'm sorry."
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"It's okay, you know? I mean, it's not okay, but I get it."
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"They were the most important part of me, once. I remember that."
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"We're standin' in the middle of the street, you know," I remind him when some guy brushes past us, my arms sliding around Mike's neck and pulling him close. "We oughta go home."
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Nothing feels resolved. Not even close. But it's not like there's exactly any way for that to change.
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"You could always call out. Unless you think they'd fall apart without you."
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Or like there's a piece missing that he suddenly can't ignore.
He gives Neil's hand a slight squeeze. "So what would I be calling out for?"
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After all the shit that's been stirred up tonight, it feels weird having him run off to work.
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Not too much thinking.
"I'll call when we get in."